ConsciousCreation

Okay, so the dogs have been to the park and they’ve been fed – The Nats beat the Mets – my computer is on – Now what’s on my mind and heart that wants to be written, so to speak?

I had been challenged earlier this evening by a voice on YouTube to write down the patterns that have historically distracted me from consistently following through on soul projects I have been called to do – journaling, blogging, writing that book that I have a outline for. It didn’t take me long to think of all kinds of excuses and delay tactics I’ve used over the years. In reviewing and vetting all of those excuse, what I realized is that, at the bottom of it all, there’s a tape running inside me that says, “Do you really think you have anything to say that people really want to read/hear about?” “Who do you think you are?”
And so often that tape has drowned out everything else….I have a bookshelf of journals, some half full, some with a couple of pages written on, some with just my name in it. This blog was begun in 2013; after 2014 there was a major dry spell until 2019 and the last post was 2022. That book outline has some catchy chapter titles and a brief paragraph describing the general chapter theme.

In the between years, I have given loads of Sunday lessons and created a number of workshops and classes. And as I reflect on that now, I do see that I have overridden that tape more often in these areas of my life – overridden and yet not erased completely. The overrides have been most often the voices of folks around me who could relate to my words, see the external results of my work, and support that effort. And as I’ve matured – some would say grown old – and evolved, I have learned to step into that positive, supportive energy. The things I’ve accomplished have evolved and matured as well I believe…AND YET, after the crowds departed and the cheers died down, a version of that tape would occasionally break through to say – If they only know. Years ago my therapist named it for me – imposter syndrome.

Perhaps it’s time to get the degausser out, erase that sucker for good, and make a new tape that affirms my worth and my message. Starting again, again!

See you tomorrow!