Posted by: spiritfish | December 16, 2025

Where do you go from here? 12.16.25

Travel Log X

When I started this Travel Log, the journey was a physical one, in a car loaded with dogs and suitcases and boxes full of “necessary items”, sharing the driving with my son. Now, the car is unloaded; my son is back home and on his own ‘journey.’ The puppies and I are 99% settled in at my sister’s place and the journey has shifted ~ from physical to emotional at times, mental at times, spiritual at times. Sometimes all three at once!!
Actually, that’s not the best way to articulate the shift either…let me take another crack at it! Having reached our intermediate resting place and stored our stuff, there is space to see and feel what else is moving. As I suggested in an earlier post, my calendar is pretty empty, giving me empty spaces, blocks of unclaimed time. What I realized is that the empty calendar also could create a sense of an empty life ~ if I were so inclined to go there.
Having no major ‘to do’s” or ‘to solve’s’ urgently pressing on my time leaves either an idle mind (and we all know what that is, right?) or big holes through which all kinds of buried thoughts and memories can pop up. Well, I am not okay with the devil’s workshop idea. So, that leaves dealing with all those thoughts and memories that I’m sure my subconscious buried for a good reason.
One by one, the thoughts and memories are popping out ~ little ones, big ones, really old ones, just last week ones, recurring ones, hypothetical ones, angry ones, sad ones. Surprisingly, the happy ones, the cute ones, the humorous one are slower to surface.
Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised at that. There is this thing called negativity-bias ~ that human tendency to Pay more attention to negative stimuli;Remember negative events more vividly and for longer periods than positive ones; React more strongly to negative information, even when positive or neutral information of equal intensity is present. This bias is believed to have evolved as a survival mechanism; early humans needed to be hyper-aware of potential dangers (like a predator or a poisonous berry) to survive, and focusing on threats was more critical than noticing positive things.
(I’m not sure poisonous berries and wild predators are the most significant dangers in my world today; however, I haven’t checked the recall list lately on the berries!)
But i digress! Back to that empty calendar! Alas, it has given me the blocks of time needed to sort through those ‘stuffed’ thoughts and memories and do a truth/relevance test on them. It has been enlightening, both from an emotional and a mental perspective, to realize how much those energy packets weigh and what a relief it is to drop them ~ to watch them evaporate!
The pile of memories and thoughts needing review is not insignificant so it will take awhile to get through it. Thankfully, the Universe is working with me to provide the open space for the task!
And the blessing in all of this is that there really are a huge number of positive thoughts and memories present in my life and that pile continues to grow!
Happy Holidays to all!

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Posted by: spiritfish | December 12, 2025

Where do you go from here 12.12.25

Travel Log IX

It’s been an interesting week – settling in, getting puppies and me okay with new routines, new spaces, new puppy friends! it’s also been interesting learning how to just ‘be’ each day…nothing on my schedule…no one needing something from me. The most pressing things are running to the store for more pee pads and dog food or a loaf of bread, a jar of honey…
What I have discovered in all this is how easy it is to fall into the stream of ‘oh s$%” and start frantically looking for something to keep me afloat, to make sure I get to the shore, that I don’t sink to the bottom. It takes a real deep breath or two to remind myself that relaxing into the moment will allow the stream to carry me easily to what’s next…that flowing with, instead of fighting against, the present current is restorative and powerful. I am beginning to really understand the truth of this version of the story AND understanding that, as I rest in the flow, new ideas and opportunities will show up; my responsibility is to respond/act when the guidance is very clear, make notes for future activities when the edges are still a bit fuzzy, and let go when there is only tension in the air.because that’s probably the ego’s attempts to maintain control..
It’s 71 degrees and sunny outside – I do believe it’s time to get the rake and broom and work on the backyard for awhile!

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Posted in Consciousness, Current Issues, daily life, Lessons, Pets

Posted by: spiritfish | December 5, 2025

12.4.25 ~ Where do you go from here?

Travel Log Part VIII
All’s quiet on this front! The puppies have been outside to do their business. Luckily we caught the break between rain showers to get into the backyard. They’ve been fed…I’ve had my first cup of coffee. (By the way, Community Coffee is the best!) The rest of the house is sleeping in on this rainy day. The only sounds we hear are the wind chimes in the back yard and the steady falling rain.
As I drank my coffee, I read the daily entries from Melody Beattie and Mark Nepo – and as is so often the case, their messages’ focus carried a similar theme. Today the message centered around choice ~ who, what, why ~ the focus on when and where not included ~ hopefully covered at a later date!
The ‘what’ was all about passion. The basic question was “What stirs the passion in me?”. As I read that, my initial thought was ‘that’s easy.” As I sat there pondering the question, I was surprised to realize that I couldn’t clearly articulate what that might be! Really, Toni? Surely you know what inspires and ignites you, right? One would think so and yet this morning nothing would gel! I asked myself if I was really that out of touch with my Self. Perhaps it’s just that I’ve unconsciously numbed myself for awhile. After all, November was quite a month. I don’t believe there is a total disconnection; it’s just that I’ve turned the volume down on the inner thought processes for awhile.
The longer I sat with the chimes and the rain, the more obvious it became that this morning’s messages for Mark and Meloday were more about the conscious awareness of the ‘who’ of the choice, not the ‘what’ or the ‘why’. Intellectually, I know that there is always a choice, that the choice is mine to make, and often the external influences weigh more heavily on the choice made than I am consciously aware. These seem to be the times also when I claim not to understand why things don’t work out like I expected or I blame anyone/anything but myself for the results. Of course, there are myriad factors that can impact any decision and it’s not always possible to be aware of the totality. However, I have learned that when I consciously remember that the decision is mine to make, my response to the outcome is more centered and provides a more stable platform from which to move forward.
So, today I choose to be the main driver of choices. And of course that will cause me to focus on removing the fog and getting clear on what inspires me, what energizes me, what creates passion within my soul! I may even answer the “why.”

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Posted by: spiritfish | December 1, 2025

12.1.25 ~ Revisiting Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love

Revisiting Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love!

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Posted by: spiritfish | December 1, 2025

12.1.25 ~ Where do you go from here?

Travel Log ~ Part VII
The first day of December and the puppies and I are in Louisiana, settling in with my sister and Ballou! The final days of packing and loading in MN were crazy! Some things didn’t make the cut and were dropped off for re-circulation, thanks to the DAV! Some things are in the POD and were supposed to come to LA; some things in are LA and should have been in the POD 🙂 And yet all is well. The drive down was easy – thank you, Alan, for being the main driver!
There was music to sing along with, a book to listen to (sort of), and time for sharing with my son that was both enjoyable and enlightening! It was interesting to find the words we both used that carry different meanings – or at least differnet shades – for each of us. I realized that it was those undiscovered differences that can create the tension and the pain. That realization opemed up the opportunity for deeper dialogue and exploration into where, when, and why those differences arose. A bit more conversation allowed for the finding of common ground and/or an agreement to skip that topic for now!
Our Thanksgiving feast was held on Saturday and what a feast we had ~ turkey & cornbread dressing, sweet potatoe casserole (which also served as dessert), potatoes au gratin, green bean casserole, brussel sprouts with onions and bacon! Thank you Erin! As usual, the turkey sandwich on the next day with dressing and potatoes (both kinds) were even better.
What has also been interesting is the way in which the puppies are settling in. We’ve gone for a pack of two small 14 year old ‘puppies’ to a pack of four integenerational doggies. There’s Ballou, a mixed breed 11 year old girl; there’s Apollo, a 7 year old hugh Great Pyrenees male, and my two! Yesterday was our first day all in the same room without leashes ~ so far, so good. The two big ones seem to be startled and put off by my little ones. Detente in the house!!!! May it be forever so!
For me, it does seem strange to wake up with nothing on my calendar! I’m not complaining – right now, it feels really good and I plan on enjoying the moments. Opportunities will show themselves and when they do, we’ll step into the flow when the energy is right and the spirit moves us!

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Posted by: spiritfish | November 24, 2025

11.23.25 ~ Where do you go from here:

Travel Log (Part VI). Just when you think you’ve got it all planned and ready to go! The POD is scheduled…the ‘stuff’ is 90% packed and staged in the garage! We’ve got boxes for the rest of the ‘stuff’ and folks to help. I have the car scheduled for an oil change – actually reschedule ~ so I could have lunch with some great folks — AND THEN the email message came tonight from PODS with the drop off time for my POD tomorrow and it’s not the early or the late slot; it’s the 10a-1p slot and it seems there’s no way to switch that. That messes with my lunch date unless….. if the driver can agree to drop my POD at 10:15a or 10:30a, lunch is still on! So that’s what I’m seeing happen! Drop off before 10:30a! If you’re reading this before Monday morning, could you hold that vision with me?! Our power of manifestation is amazing…

Other than that, this has been a wonderful experience ~ well, wonderful might be a bit strong. Let’s try heart-felt experience. Three amazing women came and helped me pack. They were tireless! Thank you’s to Marie, Peggy, and Shelly! Thank you, Shelly, for helping get boxes, drop off ‘stuff’ at Savor and Unique, and for all your supplies! Now it’s my turn to finish up the ‘other stuff’ ~ the clothes, the office miscellaneous, the food left in the kitchen, and the big ‘stuff.’

Alan will be here on Tuesday to help with loading the POD and doing the drive to Louisiana. the puppies are not sure what’s going on and they’re hanging in there.

Today, it was bitter sweet, sharing the Gratitude PotLuck at church ~ saying good-by to special folks. It’s been a good time here, sharing fellowship, food, fun and Unity principles. I know the community will find its rhythm and continue to flourish. May it be so!

And I know that my next assignment is already been put together. My part in the preparation is to stay awake, be ready to respond when the signals and openings come. I know I will find my rhythm and flourish as well. May it be so!

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Posted by: spiritfish | November 19, 2025

Where to you go from here? 11.18.25

A Travel Log – continued

Part V: It’s easy to say ‘one step at a time’ and it’s a little more complicated to do it. Today is Tuesday and the list of things to do seems to be growing exponentially. All the notices and letters have been submitted and approved for early release from my lease. The other additions to that To Do List are autoships that need to be cancelled or paused, Change of address notices to Post Office, and assorted email notifications. The POD has been ordered. The initial sorting has begun and packing begins tomorrow. AND this apartment is a mess!!!! The puppies have decided they’ve had enough and are going to spend a few days at the Bed and Biscuit – Dog Pad! Lucky puppies!
What is calling me now is the need to start setting aside the ‘essentials’ that I will want in Louisiana immediately, e.g., my coffee cup, the French Press, the puppies’ food, computer supplies and equipment, important papers. Oh, and clothes and toiletry items!
I did finally find the second set of keys for the apartment after a brief and panicked search through drawers and other special storage place. Whew~.
What has also been interesting to observe is the impact my mental and physical fatigue has had on my emotional state. I am excited about this move and know that the path will become very clear as I step out on to it, that the doors will open, and the resources required to support the journey are in place. And yet, this afternoon, it felt like I was having a small panic attack or at least a bit of an ‘on sh*%’ moment or two. Of course, that was exactly the time when the puppies decided to bark at the squirrels outside!!!
Deep breath ~ deep breath ~ deep breath! I reminded myself to sit down, listen to some music, call to mind what I know to be true and rest! The center is calm again. The heart and mind are back in alignment and all again is unfolding as it should! There is so much to be grateful for…

Now it’s time to put the office back into some semblance of order and get organized for tomorrow;s packing!
More later!

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Posted by: spiritfish | November 17, 2025

Where Do We Go From Here? (cont)

A Travel Log to the Next Big Thing ~
Part IV: Now, it’s really out there. Folks know and I’m finding myself answering lots of questions – or at least attempting to answer questions. The immediate what next questions are easier to answer. When are you leaving? Where are you going? Do have help in packing? Are you going to drive by yourself? What about Thanksgiving? Is your son coming?
It’s the other questions that are a bit more challenging to answer ~ how are you doing? what will you be doing? are you doing church somewhere? If not church, then what?
Actually the how question is not that difficult to answer because I’m doing good! I find myself breathing deeper and often feeling a sense of relief. Of course, there are moments when I get that sinking feeling, wondering what is the opportunity that is waiting for me. Will I recogniz it when I see it. What if I miss it? Will I end up an old lady and two puppies, living in her car? Will the puppies be okay with this change? After all, they’re both 14 years old and set in their ways….
And then I take another deep breath and then another! A peace settles over me and I remember that all is unfolding as it should. I will know what the next thing is as it unfolds. The puppies and I will have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and beautiful spaces to take walks in.
Tomorrow is Monday. The to-do list is getting long. And there are a number of folks that I’d like to spend time with before I take off. Again, another deep breath and know that there will be enough time for all I need to do!
It’s just one step at a time ~ arrange for storage for the things I’m keeping, take the things I’m letting go of to Unique for recirculation, pack the ‘stuff’, put in a forwarding notice, for the mail, cancel the autoships for now, get the oil changed in the car, etc.. If you’ve every moved, you know the drill. I’m finding that the letting go of stuff process is as difficult as I remember it from other moves. I’ll pick up a decorative bowl or a box with rocks in it and remember who gave it to me or where and when I find them/bought it. Ah, the memories! How could I let that go?! Then I get still and that little voice says it’s time and into the little red cart it goes. Off to be enjoyed by someone new! I’ll still have the memory and room for more ‘stuff.’
So now it’s time for bed, to get a good night’s sleep and be ready for the new day!

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Posted by: spiritfish | November 16, 2025

Where do we go from here?

A Travel Log of Our Journey to the Next Big Thing:

Part 1: This day has been ‘interesting’ – taking the puppies to get groomed, having lunch with a friend, working on a Memorial Wall presentation in Panera’s as I waited for the grooming to be done – thinking how much the world has changed. And then, the drive home, for you see, the groomer is in St Louis Park, over the river!!!! It amaze me how many vehicles there are on the roads in the Twin Cities and how long it takes to rebuild roads and bridges. Patience does wear thin at times. After we got home, there was dinner to fix, baseball game to watch, trash to take out…

As I sit here now, feeling the urge to write/type something, nothing significant is showing up. So, the question I ask myself is ‘Is that urge to write/type a real thing or just another diversion?’ You see, the trash still hasn’t been taken out, my MLB-TV account seems to have been tampered with and I just now got it straightened out. At least, the puppies got fed!

Hence, the title: where do we go from here? Right now, I do believe the best answer is – To Bed! Perhaps the deeper answers will come in my dreams and tomorrow I will sit again at the computer and see what wants to flow.

Good night, all!

Part II: So, we three – the puppies and me – went to bed. The dreams were interesting and a bit enlightening and yet they didn’t add clarity to ‘where do we go from here.’ Perhaps, that is because there are a number of questions on the board and a number of options in the answer column.
I’m thinking it’s time to step into the silence for a while and ask for some high-level guidance. I am sure that there is a positive path, that there are words of wisdom flowing my way, that the peace that passes all understanding is mine to claim. I also know that there are chunks of thought, emotion, memory that require release and reparation. What i’m not sure about is how much of what I think is the need for reparation is actually my resistance – reluctance to step into my authentic self – my power.
At what point do other folks open to the possibility that their view is their perception based on their stories and not ‘my bad.’ Is it always necessary for me to turn down my energy so that they’re not hurt? That line is not clear for me at this time…. More work to do! And now, it’s time to go to bed. Let’s sleep on that one and see what emerges. Thanks, guides and teachers!

Part III: It’s been a week or two since last I sat down to type. Much has happened. My time at Unity of the Valley is over. My contract was not renewed for various reasons, none of which were illegal or immoral. 🙂 So now that question – where do we go from here? – is reality. The Universe is sending clear signals that it’s time to move on – that there is something else I’m called to do and that patience is required. In the short term, I will be heading south – back home to Louisiana to center and find that next path. My sister and her puppy are letting me and my puppies bunk with them for awhile as the way gets clear!
Each day brings new ideas, new possibilities, new what-if’s. Each day also brings a little doubt, a little angst, a little oh sh*#! And then the deep breath and a shift in consciousness to that space that knows that I am guided, that there is already a plan, that it’s time to move! With that knowing, it’s time to go to bed ~ to sleep and dream!

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Posted by: spiritfish | October 10, 2025

Autumn Leaves

… The falling leaves drift by the window, the autumn leaves of red and gold…. That song by Nat King Cole runs through my mind as I sit with the puppies watching the passing of a beautiful day. The trees that surround our open space each shimmer at the very top with golden leaves. Beneath that tiara, the rest of the leaves present various shades of green. Each day, that green morphs into a kaleidoscope of yellow and red.
Recently, I realized that there is another fascinating activity to ponder as the trees make their transition to Fall. Have you ever noticed how the leaves fall off the trees? One day last week I had that ‘wow’ moment when I became aware that I hadn’t taken time to watch the leaves fall; I had just seen the leaves as piles on the ground or colors on the tree. That prompted me to consciously watch the leaves as they fall. My list of observations keeps getting longer:
1. Green leaves rarely fall —
2. Most leaves fall when stirred by the wind.
3. It doesn’t take a strong gust of wind to cause a leave to fall.
4. Without the wind, it’s usually one leave at a time. Some times though, they fall as a connected cluster.
5. Smaller leaves tend to fall straight down as though they were in a hurry!
6. Larger leaves tend to float a bit on their way down as though there was no hurry!
7. There are some leaves that twirl like a graceful, bladed spindle.
8. As the wind increases, the number of leaves falling increases – duh!
9. The tree with the greatest number of yellow leaves will lose the most leaves. I know, Duh!
10. Regardless of ‘how’ and ‘when’ they fall, leaves always seems to fall with ease and grace.

And each spring a new batch of leaves will fill the trees with their vibrance and beauty.

So I ask myself if there’s anything to be learned from these observations, regardless of how obvious and ‘duh-worthy’ they are. What I have come to know is that there are lessons to be learned from anything that comes into my field of vision and inquiry. So what’s to learn with this set?

There is a flow to nature and change is integral to that flow. Without that change – or evolution – or transformation – the flow would lose its natural state. It would get blocked, stagnate, dry up. Each element of nature has its own way of handling the flow and the change. When left to its natural state, each way is appropriate and most-effective. Timing is important – too early can create a no-go; hanging on past time can create an ugly pile. Sometimes, we need a bit of the push – a strong gust of wind to get us moving. And then there’s always the understanding that there is new life that will flow from Source in the right time and place.

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