Posted by: spiritfish | September 13, 2025

The Beauty of the Change

A couple of weeks ago, as I sat on the couch looking out over our “back yard,” I noticed something yellow high up in one of the trees at the far side of the green square – too big to be a bird and not shaped like anything I could recognize. I thought about it for a little while then it just slipped out of mind.

Slowly, this last two weeks, my awareness has expanded somewhat again and I’ve noticed that there are more and more yellow ‘things’ in the trees – Well duh! the leaves are changing. There ARE golden yellow clusters in more of the trees. The vines are turning that deep shade of red! The green of the leaves is lighter – more yellow tinted – the tops of the certain trees have already turnied that deep red! Fall is moving in and I was just about to sleep walk through the change. Well, maybe it wasn’t sleep walking so much as it was that my focus was solely on the “critical” things that needed attention at work, at home, with the puppies…You know, that proposal and supporting material, preparing for Sunday, for Fire Muster, Pride, cleaning up the apartment and the computer, getting the puppies to the vet for check up – you know, all the ‘Must Do’s.”

Today, I had a weird, and eye-opening, experience while trying to correct some errors in The Buzz – one of the new “Must Do’s” for me! A sudden wave of dizziness swept over me for a good minute…and then it was gone! As things returned to “normal,” I realized just how wired I was. I also began to realize that not everything on that ‘Must Do” list couldn’t wait until tomorrow. So I selected the one or two really ‘must do’ today ones, finished them, and went home.

On my way home, I once again became aware of the colors of the world around me – the deeper reds, the brilliant golden-yellows – the remaining green – even in the rain! It became very clear that is really was time to take that deep breath, slow down, and let myself experience the shift – the change – the energy of Fall – richness of the harvest – the joy-filled anticipation of celebrations of special days to come.

Tomorrow after I join Unity of the Valley folks in celebration at Burnsville Pride Festival, the puppies and I will be taking a long walk in the woods, maybe along the beach of the lake. They can dig around and sniff to their heart’s content and I will take those deep breaths and feel Fall! All those things on that List will get done in time….

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Posted by: spiritfish | September 10, 2025

Turquoise Hair

Today is Tuesday and that is routinely my evening to FaceTime with my grandson! We catch up on what’s going on in Ponte Vedra Beach and a bit about what’s happening in Burnsville ~ sometimes we watch videos together or he shares his plushies and actions figures. Whatever happens, it’s always the highlight of my day!

Tonight, when I called, my son answered and explained that the kiddo was still doing homework but would definitely call me back when he was done because he had a big surprise for me. And then he said he would not spoil it for me and grinned a big grin. Needless to say, my curiosity was running wild! But no, I’d have to wait. and wait I did!

Finally, the ipad rang and there he was – my 9-year grandson grinning just like his dad with a beautiful head of turquoise hair – shiny, deep turquoise. Talk about making your heart sing! Who did that, I asked. “We went to a professional salon and they had to bleach it twice before they could put the color on.” That’s what he said! What a strong sense of self that young man has! Me with my pink hair – which I’ll get refresh in October – and Aedan with his bold turquoise! I love it!

This is the kid that does rock wall climbing, parkour, jiu-jitsu, drama kids and makes 92 on his math test!!!

As I watch him grow and thrive, I catch myself on nights like tonight reflecting back on my growing up. As I let him know how much I love his color choice and how proud I am of him for all that he does and is, I realize just how powerful the “right” words spoken at the right can be and how much they mean to a young person – actually a person of any age. Just as the absence of those “right” words in that same moment can be so devastating. The energy of love and support put into words can go a long way to building that positive sense of self. The opposite is also true.
Reflecting on that tonight, I recognize how often I get careless and sloppy with my words. I don’t believe I consciously set out to hurt or antagonize with that carelessness, at least most of the time. It’s just that I forget to pause and take the breath before I let the words out. And it’s that same forgetting that has me doing a stream of consciousness dump rather than choosing a more precise word or phrase ~ one more nuanced and/or kind.

And so tonight, I once again set the intention to be more thoughtful, more precise, more careful in my conversations with the world. Remember, Toni, to pause and take a deep breath!

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Posted by: spiritfish | September 2, 2025

The call to write – just not sure on what

There is so much going on at this time! I started the day with a scratchy throat and a runny nose and thought, ‘Oh, no! don’t need that!’ Had to reschedule a lunch date to make sure that, if ‘it’ were spreadable, I didn’t spread it! Then, breakfast for me and the puppies…As I was sipping my coffee and watching the squirrels play and the dragonflies dart around outside, I noticed just how dirty the glass in the patio doors was. I also felt called to write something today since I had not written anything since Friday…and then just continued to sip my coffee and watch the squirrels and dragonflies. After all, it’s a holiday, right. A day off – a time for a little self care!!!

Finally,, I just had to clean the glass in the doors! And then I had to sweep the patio and water the plants. And then the kitchen needed cleaning and the dogs needed more chicken cooked. All of sudden it was dinner time…we eat early at our house!

And now, we’ve all been fed. The sun is setting and I remembered that feeling of wanting to write something today. But, what to write about? There’s a lot going on right now – challenges and changes everywhere. Earthquake in Afghanistan, major forest fires in the Northwest, flooding in Houston, children attacked and killed in a Minnespolis church, unknown shooters killing 7 and injuring more in Chicago, 600 Guatemalan minors in the US under the protection of the US government caught in a political battle about sending them back to Guatemala unaccompanied and without due process, COVID cases increasing in certain parts of the country. And that’s just this weekend’s news! Depressing, isn’t it!

How do we navigate through all this? How do we find the beauty, the peace, the truth? How do I?

On Friday, I spent quality time with a new mother and her precious baby boy. His smile was pure joy. He even shared some deep thoughts with me in his own way! He made my heart sing. And his mom glows with love and joy which made it all the more beautiful. That memory still fills me today! That evening, my son called, as he often does when he’s got an hour or so on the road. He shared his day and his voice had an energy of enthusiastic challenge that I hadn’t heard in awhile. And that made my heart sing. He shared Aedan’s latest adventures – That’s my 10 year old grandson – learning to enjoy rock wall climbing, excelling in parkour and jiu-jitsu, and starting the 4th grade! That, my friends, is beautiful and filled this Noni with joy!

On Sunday, the energy at Unity of the Valley was powerful. Bruce and his music, Mark and his light heart, Peggy and Pat holding prayer space, Scott and Victor doing the sound and streaming, the folks who brought open hearts for the service and .food for potluck afterwards…Peace and blessing all around.

And today, the glass in the doors are clean, the puppies are happy, and the Nats won the ballgame.

So how does all of that relate to the questions asked earlier: How do we/I navigate through all this? How do we/I find the beauty, the peace, the truth?

The wise ones say it’s all about where you put your focus and what you choose to hold on to. I believe that. The energy of thoughts and feelings that I choose to carry will manifest around me. I will see the world through that lens and probably respond in kind. AND I believe that it’s a little more complicated than I often make it, this focus thing. There are times when choosing to always see ‘the positive’ is really an unconscious choice not to see and acknowledge those things that are destructive and harmful to the those around me. Why would I do that? Why would I close my eyes to the pain and injustice? Why would I ‘stick my head in the sand’, stop getting the news, avoid political conversations, etc.?

Maybe because it hurts; maybe it’s because I don’t have the big answers to ‘fix’ it and don’t see how my small actions would be effective. Maybe the ‘problem’ doesn’t directly affect me. Maybe I’m concerned that I’m only hearing/considering one perspective of the situation and we know there’s always two sides, right?. Maybe I don’t want do create a ‘storm.’ There are so many reasons why.

For me, the hard part is standing in the midst of the chaos, the tension, the violence, the name-calling, the fear, the doubt, without owning it or dismissing it – just seeing it and staying open to knowing what is mine to be and do in that moment. Fr Richard Rohr, in his book Yes…And, reminds us that it is important that we call out the suffering and wrongdoing and at the same time not fighting it. Rather, it is for us to stand in support of truth and justice, relief of suffering through compassion, care for all living things. The example he gives for this is the life and teachings of Jesus. “I am in the world, but not of it.” For me, this means that I must first see what is going on in the world around me without filters, labels, or judgment as much as possible and then stand in, and be, the vision of love, compassion, truth, and justice, taking such action as is mine to take to bring that vision into reality. No small task, I grant you, and yet even the small thoughts, actions, and prayers have power – and I do believe that is why we here!

Peace and blessings.

T

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 28, 2025

A Day of Grief, Pain, Loss and Questions

Several times today I had thought to sit and type out what was flooding my soul and each time I couldn’t find the words. I could find pain, horror, anger, deep sadness, fear but no words. I would reach out from my heart to hold the families of those children and the grief was overwhelming. I would reach out to the soul of that young person who fired into that church and ultimately ended their own life – the pain and sense of separation expressed in anger and hatred was also overwhelming. Now and then I would turn on the news to check in and wasn’t able to watch for long because it was also overwhelming.

How do we find our way through this? What else is mine to do?

At one point, someone I was talking with said, ‘Well, it’s just the way it is,’ and I said,almost screaming, NO! We can not normalize this as just the way it is! It is not normal for children to die while praying in church! It is not normal for children to be in danger at school. It’s not normal for a person to be driven to lash out because they are unable to live their authentic life with acceptance and support. It’s not normal for a person to just disappear into a abyss because of the color of their skin or where they were born. It’s not normal for children – any one – to be killed by bombs and gunfire in refugee camps or starved to death by politics. . It is not normal to create division to gain control. It’s not normal to denigrate, to bully, to label and judge — we can not let this become the norm! I will not accept that as just the way it is!

So much of the Body is in pain and overwhelmed with grief right now. Tonight, I am focused on sending out healing energy and prayers of support. Tomorrow it will once again be time to move my feet – to take that energy and those prayers into action. May I be guided to the right action from a place of love amd compasson!

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 27, 2025

Old Paradigms, New Paradigms, & Chemicalization

Several Sundays ago, I asked the congregation what the definition of paradigm is. The first answer I received was Two Dimes! Cute, right? Old joke and still funny! However, I was actually looking for a slightly different definition, something more like “…A pattern or model, an exemplar; (also) a typical instance of something, an example’ from the Oxford English Dictionary.

As I think about the lesson for this Sunday entitled New Horizons, I find myself wondering about how we – or rather I – will be moving through the significant changes that are emerging in the world. The old patterns and systems are being modified and/or manipulated so significantly that in many cases they are unrecognizable or completely lost. And at the same time, there are new patterns and systems – new paradigms – emerging from sometimes unlikely places to replace Some are still in the chrysalis; some are still drying their wings, and some are flying amongst us on beautiful wings.

I find that I can embrace the new patterns that hold the light of love, compassion, justice, inclusivity, and oneness whole-heartedly as I adjust to the evolution from the old. The concerns – the issues – the struggles I have are with those patterns, models, systems that are being modified and manipulated to limit or eliminate that light of love, compassion, justice, inclusivity and oneness and thereby dimming and, in some cases, extinguishing the light of our world.

If I let myself get too stuck in how dark it seems to be getting, I remember a concept that Emilie Cady wrote about in her book, Lessons in Truth, called chemicalization – the intense yet ultimately beneficial conflict that occurs when new spiritual ideas clash with and overcome old, erroneous beliefs, leading to a higher spiritual understanding.  In Rev. Paul Hasselbeck’s book Heart-Centered Metaphysics: A Deeper Look at Unity Teachings, he defines it as “the experience of inner conflict and upheaval that occurs when aspects of our consciousness resist the transformation process.   This happens when a high spiritual realization conflicts with a belief that is contrary to the new realization.”  

Using a variation of the example given by Emlie, imagine that you have a tub with layers of built up crud on its sides and it’s full of dirty water. You want to clean the water. If you drop cleaning agents into the water, the chemical reaction will cause agitation, foaming bubbles that dissolve the dirt in the water and at the same time break down the layers of crud on the sides. As the layers of crud break off the sides, the water itself will actually get dirtier. If you think to yourself that this isn’t working and stop putting in the cleaning agent, slowly the agitation will stop and the crud will settle again and the water will clear up But the tub will still be cruddy. If, on the other hand , you continue to put the cleaning agent into the tub, it will break down all of the built-up layers and dissolve the crud in the water, giving you a clean tub and clean water.

So, when it seems like things in me and around me are ‘getting dirtier,’ I remind myself that the cleaning agents are working and clearing away the built- up layers of old paradigms, old belief, old perspectives, and it’s time to redouble the amount of ‘cleaning agent’ I’m dropping into my soul, mind, and body. I also remind myself that I am one of the ‘cleaning agent’ deliverers for our society. It is through my thoughts, my feelings, my prayers, my words, my actions, and my energy that the ‘cleaning agent’ called truth and light bring about a clean vessel holding pure, clean light and truth, both for me personally and for our world.

We stand on the threshold of a new paradigm for ourselves and our world – a New Horizon streaming love, compassion, justice, inclusivity and oneness. Let’s be cleaning agents until the tub and the water are clear!

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 25, 2025

Sunday Night

Actually, it’s almost Monday morning and I almost just went to bed without even trying to put something down. And then I heard myself tell someone earlier today “Do or do not, there is no try, young Skywalker. So here I am at the computer, wondering if there is anything worth typing tonight.

My first thought was to bring something from the lesson I gave this morning; however, I realized a long time ago that once the ideas are expressed, either by writing them down or speaking them during the service, it’s difficult for me to restate them. So, what’s my second thought?

Today, that is August 24th, is my youngest sister’s 70th birthday. I had left her a video of me singing Happy Birthday this morning, even before I had my first cup of coffee 🙂 And I posted a message for her on Facebook this afternoon. Somehow, thought, it seemed that the big 70 needed a phone call! It was good to talk with her and tell her how much I love her. When we hung up, it dawned on me that my baby sister is 70 year old ~ how is that possible when I know I’m only 55! HA! Well, at least that’s how old I feel most of the time.

At that point, all these things you hear when you have a major milestone birthday came back to me – it’s only a number; you’re as young as you feel; we just get better as we get older; the body just ain’t what it used to be; you’re just a silver-haired old hippie making noise; did you not have computers and cell phones when you were in school; did your parents really let you just roam the neighbor as long as you were home for dinner; you DON”t have a TikTok account?;

In so many ways, the world was different in my youth! The phone was stuck on the wall; google search was the card catalog at the public library; cursive writing was the order of the day; home ec was for girls and shop was for boys; all the kids in my school were white and spoke English;

And then folks who Steven Miller called today’s silver-haired old hippies started questioning the way things were and many of those “things” began to change and evolve. Places where people gathered became a vibrant tapestry with colors woven together and the voices were rich with diverse languages. Phones came off the walls and got smaller and more powerful. The library went online and information/news from around the world took seconds to reach you. Laws changed to clarify, strengthen, and support our founding principles for everyone.

And yet, some things didn’t change and some folks are trying to roll back the changes…so now those silver-haired hippies and a new generation of dreamers, as vibrant as their green and rainbow colored hair, are taking up the call for inclusivity, diversity, fairness, justice for all once again! What the world needs now is Love, Sweet Love, prayers and moving our feet!

Good night…

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 24, 2025

Lessons from the Puppies

Today, my puppies (who are both 13 years young) and I decided it was a beautiful day for a walk in the woods. Lately, we’ve had problems reaching consensus on that issue, so it was really nice to have full support from both of then. And off we went. Rather than just go to the small dog off-leash area, we decided to take the path to the lake and follow a previously unexplored path along its edge! The sound of the water lapping on the bank and the birds chirping now and then were soothing to my soul and the earth smells and the spots of previous eliminations by other four-leggeds were joy to the puppies’ souls!

Not knowing exactly where we were heading, we walked on, passing various forks in the path. Each time, the puppies seemed to know which path to take so I chose to follow their lead. After about an hour on the trail, I begin to pay more attention to the various posted trail maps, thinking we might want to begin the trek back to the car. We had left the lake’s edge and were back on one of the main paths and I was sure that i remembered a short cut back to the dog leash area from when we had done a less adventurous walk several months ago. Sure enough, we got to that fork in the path and started to go left. Daisy and Auggie wanted to go right. Since I was the one reading the map, I decided to ignore their prompt and off we went to the left. We passed some very interesting trees and a lovely pond with wild flowers, all of which I would normally have wanted to stop and appreciate – maybe even take a picture or two to share. However, today my purpose was to just be in nature so no pictures. And I was beginning to feel a bit lost and tired. I also noticed that both puppies were slowing down a little as well. Finally, I had to admit to them that I had been wrong – that left path wasn’t going to get us where we wanted to go. Thankfully, I had my iPhone with me and the “walking” directions on my Google Maps worked brilliantly. So off we went again – retracing our steps. Sure enough, we were directed back to the fork and Maps indicated the correct path was the right path! After another 20 minutes of weary walking, we hopped into the car and off home. We were all hungry and thirsty!

After satisfying our stomaches, they stretched out for a nap and I got back to working on the lesson for tomorrow at Unity of the Valley. That done, I sat in my favorite chair for some meditation time. As it often happens, I came back from meditation with interesting lessons learned.

  1. Trust the urge to explore new paths.
  2. Trees and their shapes are amazing – each one full of character and beauty.
  3. It’s okay to take a picture of a beautiful spot on the walk so long as you pause to love and admire it before you do.
  4. When you let your head overrule intuition, we will most often have to retrace your steps to get back on track.
  5. Always trust the intuition/instincts of the puppies!
  6. If we were already enligtened, there would be nothing to explore.

Peace and blessings from Daisy, Auggie, and Me!

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 23, 2025

The Secret of Honey Butter

This morning as I sat on the couch sipping my coffee, eating my waffles, and watching the squirrels and the geese outside, I found myself reflecting on my frustration this past week about the lack of honey butter at my favorite grocery store. How could they leave that big hole in the cooler where my honey butter should be and why was it taking so long to restock? And then I revisited the rabbit hole I went down – maybe there was a problem with getting honey or there was a recall because of contaminated milk, or maybe the company had decided to stop making it because it wasn’t profitable or the store wasn’t going to carry it anymore or – or – or! You get the idea! My morning just wouldn’t be the same.without honey butter on my waffles. I know, I know it’s a first world problem but come on, waffles without honey butter just don’t satisfy.

And then I took a deep breath and decided I’d just have to find another grocery store. But which one and where was the closest one and then, I paused, took a deep breath and said out loud enough, Toni , enough. I have butter in my refrigerator and honey in the cabinet. l CAN MAKE MY OWN HONEY BUTTER and let go of all this self-imposed angst. I then made some honey butter, put it on a fresh set of waffels and it was great!

How often do I create the angst storm when looking to get answers, sustenance, support from someone or something outside myself rather than opening up to what’s inside, open to new possibilities, new perspectives? And then when ‘it’ doesn’t come, or isn’t exactly, what I envision, I find a rabbit hole to slide into or I put the ‘blame’ on anything but myself.

It happens more times than I’d like to admit, I think, and yet I do believe that it’s not happening nearly as often now as in the past. Thankfully, with each turn around the sun, I have discovered, though self reflection, study, and experience, a deeper understanding of just how powerful I am at creating my world – through my perspective, my thoughts, my feelings, and accepting responsibility for my life. I have also been shown how vast the universe is and the infinite potential available for creation.

As important as that discovery has been, I have also been shown just how interconnected we are with each other and that, while I can make my own honey butter, my daily life relies on a massive network of other beings to bring together all the necessary ingredients. I have learned how important it is that I fulfill my responsibilities with a clear vision of that connection, with heartfelt intention, and gratitude for the whole.

What an amazing world we live in. I am so very grateful!

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 22, 2025

Three in a Row!

As I watched the Nats again beat the Mets, I caught part of a discussion between Ryan Zimmerman and Bob Carpenter about how ball players deal with hitting slumps. Ryan was a streaky player himself and his answer was that he would remember that the dry spell wasn’t the totality of his season or career – and that he had it within him to hit it out of the park or at least hit a line drive through the middle each time he stepped up to the plate. It was in the remembering and the practice that he found his rhythm again. He also noted that when he was on a hot streak, it was important to remember that the bat could go cold on the next at bat and to just be in the moment with what he knew how to be and do.

I needed to hear that tonight. The day had not been a ‘bad’ day; it had however had some tough moments – A particular situation at work with lots of discrete elements just wouldn’t jell. My thoughts were all over the map and it felt as though I was swinging and missing each time I attempted to put it all together. And then another of my persistent tapes began to play in my head – “You’re losing, Fish!” And I fell into that old pattern of beating up on myself and looking for something to blame my fuzziness on. Finally, I just closed the computer and headed home. To make matters even more off kilter, I decided to see if my favorite grocery store had resupplied my favorite honey butter. (I’d gone in every day this week to get a new supply – to not avail!!!!) and sure enough, no honey butter today either…That did not help my mood at all.

Thank goodness for two loving puppies at home. It’s hard to stay down when you’re greeted at the door with such joy! Thus calmed and bit more sanguine, I turned to baseball because I knew that the Nats had won. Oh, Joy! And the words from Ryan hit home. Stay in the moment, not in the past or in the future. Remember that you do have the skills necessary to put the pieces together in a coherent way. Clarity comes from the inside – from a centered core. Let go and remember who you truly are. Remember that every at bat won’t be a home run, nor will it be a strike out. And life, like baseball, is about playing full out for the entire season with all its ups and downs, wins and losses. It’s about trusting my Self and listening to my intuition to create the experience! Let’s play ball!

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Posted by: spiritfish | August 21, 2025

The 2nd Night of Starting Again, Again

Okay, so the dogs have been to the park and they’ve been fed – The Nats beat the Mets – my computer is on – Now what’s on my mind and heart that wants to be written, so to speak?

I had been challenged earlier this evening by a voice on YouTube to write down the patterns that have historically distracted me from consistently following through on soul projects I have been called to do – journaling, blogging, writing that book that I have a outline for. It didn’t take me long to think of all kinds of excuses and delay tactics I’ve used over the years. In reviewing and vetting all of those excuse, what I realized is that, at the bottom of it all, there’s a tape running inside me that says, “Do you really think you have anything to say that people really want to read/hear about?” “Who do you think you are?”
And so often that tape has drowned out everything else….I have a bookshelf of journals, some half full, some with a couple of pages written on, some with just my name in it. This blog was begun in 2013; after 2014 there was a major dry spell until 2019 and the last post was 2022. That book outline has some catchy chapter titles and a brief paragraph describing the general chapter theme.

In the between years, I have given loads of Sunday lessons and created a number of workshops and classes. And as I reflect on that now, I do see that I have overridden that tape more often in these areas of my life – overridden and yet not erased completely. The overrides have been most often the voices of folks around me who could relate to my words, see the external results of my work, and support that effort. And as I’ve matured – some would say grown old – and evolved, I have learned to step into that positive, supportive energy. The things I’ve accomplished have evolved and matured as well I believe…AND YET, after the crowds departed and the cheers died down, a version of that tape would occasionally break through to say – If they only know. Years ago my therapist named it for me – imposter syndrome.

Perhaps it’s time to get the degausser out, erase that sucker for good, and make a new tape that affirms my worth and my message. Starting again, again!

See you tomorrow!

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